Vent...

This may end up being rather long...I don't know.  Recently we hired an attorney to obtain full custody of Emma.  After leaving the attorneys' office I decided it would be best to contact her dad before going any further and trying to work it out without court interventions.  To my surprise he was agreeable!  He said that Emma coming to live with us was something that he had been thinking about for several months.  He said that she needed to be with her siblings and that she really missed Katie.  He also said that he felt bad because he never did anything with her ~ he was too tired.  We talked about homeschooling and he talked about how frustrated he was with the public school because of Emma's grades dropping.  Emma can tell you all about what she has read, but her answers on tests have "too much detail".?. He didn't like the fact that Emma knows the stuff, but continues to get low grades because of some state standards and test taking issues.  He said I was right about alot of things.  We discussed child support ~ ours would stop and he would start paying us ~ but only what he could afford.  I told him we did not want him to go broke, so if he could sit down and figure out what he could afford monthly and let us know we would be fine with whatever amount he came up with.  This was not about money, it was about Emma.  He asked that Friend of the Court not be involved ~ I agreed.  He said that he couldn't afford an attorney so if we could have our attorney write everything up, he would sign the papers.  The plan was for Emma to come live with us starting in the summer.  I did everything he asked.  There were no arguments, actually there was alot of laughing and talking.  The papers were typed up and sent to him.  He contacted me about an error in the child support frequency ~ I called our attorneys' office and had it corrected ~ they sent it back out to him.  He said everything else looked good. Those papers had everything he asked for in them! 

1. Child support amount that he set.


2. No friend of the court involvement.


3. No garnishment of wages ~ he was going to pay us directly, so that if he couldn't afford to pay at times we could work it out.


4. Flexible visitation and every other weekend.


5. Holidays were to stay the same.


6. He would still claim one of them on his income tax (even though they would both be living here) ~ so he didn't owe in taxes, and would hopefully get something back at the end of the year.

After not hearing from him for a month I texted him and asked him if he had mailed in the papers.  He didn't respond.  I texted him about a week or so later ~ he still didn't respond.

So, then I texted someone who knows him and who I thought was a friend of mine.  I asked her if he had said anything about not signing the papers (I was beginning to get that feeling).  She came back and said "no...sorry."

I finally got an answer from him.

For some reason he changed his mind.  He said he wasn't signing
them.  He said that the papers were fine the way they were!  WHAT????? 
Are you kidding me?  What the heck happened here?

I then texted, who I thought was my friend, again.  I needed to talk to someone who was aware of what was going on.  I was very hurt and felt betrayed once again by him saying one thing then doing another!  This time I got "guess i didn't realize you were getting legal physical custody.  Just thought this was an agreement between u two."  I was instantly offended (for more than one reason, but obviously she HAD spoken with him.)  This WAS an agreement between us.  The agreement was that I would have full physical custody.  The papers were typed up at HIS request, with EXACTLY what HE wanted, for HIS protection.  So, I texted back explaining this in minimal words ~ and left it at that.  She did text back asking what I was going to do now ~ I didn't respond.  I guess I don't know why I thought she was a friend of mine, or why I thought she agreed that Emma should be with her mom.  She works for him, she is his friend.

When I asked him what happened, he said he hadn't talked to Emma when he made that decision.  This was a decision him and I made together ~ as parents.  He said that he didn't feel  Emma was mature enough to make this kind of decision and I agreed. He asked that, when Emma was mature enough, if she wanted to go live with him again that she be able to.  I said absolutely.

When he did ask her, Emma was not too keen on coming here.  We figured (him and I) that she wouldn't be.  He actually chuckled about it when we talked about it.

He has no rules (he admits that, says that is just how he is), there is no supervision (he admits that too).  He will tell you she does what she wants, when she wants.  If he asks her to do something and she doesn't want to, he doesn't make her.  He says (openly) that he doesn't feel the girls should have to do things they don't want to do.  I am all for choices, but there ARE certain things we HAVE to do to be productive members of society.  We have rules. Period.  Not a lot, but rules. There is A LOT of supervision in our home in regards to television and computer use.  She openly frowns on this.  For these reasons we figured she would probably choose NOT to come here if the choice was given to her.

The last weekend that Emma was here, she was all excited.  She had a list of activities she wanted to do when she was here being home schooled...band, bowling, theater, art projects of her choosing.  After I found out he wasn't going to let her come here, I called Emma.  I told her that her dad decided she wasn't going to come here to be home schooled.  She was surprised.  She said he hadn't told her that.  I asked her if she was okay with that.  She said she was okay with staying with her dad.  I will leave it at that.

I am praying for my baby Emma.  He has lost his house, he is filing for bankruptcy.  They are moving to an apartment.  She is going to a new school district.  This school district is HUGE!  They also have alot of money in this district.  Middle school is tough.  I pray that she fits in. I pray that she makes new friends, good friends.  I pray that her spirit stays strong if kids give her a hard time.

After 8 years ~ you would think I would know better!  Maybe this will be the time I learn for good that his word means NOTHING!!

I am praying that I stop crying...